i like looking back. especially to last year. not the hard parts...even though it might be necessary at times. i like remembering where my heart was and where it is now. provides me such insight and encouragement. even when it is hard. so i read about what we did last valentines. what joy when i re-read a blog post and i am quickly brought right back to that moment...that dinner on the porch. my family. feeling alive. really alive. this year was the same. something i do not take for granted since i have been feeling a bit low in the past weeks. yesterday was good. life giving. full of energy. excited for a night out with justin. we ate breakfast together. met up at a new nail place for a little pedicure. little aves first time. it went so so...not sure if the place was excited for a two year old to be there...even though i called ahead to warn them. the owner told me as i was paying..."your little girl was loud and noisy"...then proceeded to laugh. either way she is obsessed with her toes. i catch her looking at them all the time.
instead of a dyi sign...we went with one i found for 50% the night before valentines day.
cookie with daddy while she waited
she is obsessed with her little toes. when we ran errands after her nap she would take her shoes off as soon as she got into her car seat and immediately said..."ooooooh, nail polish."
last night ava hung out with perrin and trish. thanks for loving ava so well. headed to see the movie...the vow. justin and i were not in agreement. i liked it. he did not. so it goes.
one part in the movie stood out to me. to long to explain without getting into unnecessary detail.
he said to her...a little angry...very broken hearted..."we...us...this is not how we talk to each other."
i realized how often my subtle tone or sharp words or passive aggressiveness sneaks into my marriage. i never would have spoken to justin like that when we first met. never. so why...after five years. a little baby. cancer. moves. changes...do i get too comfortable? do not get me wrong...comfort is good. it is a part of how you continue to grow as one in marriage. but i refuse. we refuse to loose sight of what we are about. how we love one another. on a daily...moment to moment basis. we almost lost each other once...i wont do it again. i will only have one husband. this is it. my one chance to love. really love. deep and hard and unselfishly. this is it. do not waste it.