tonight is our annual yl banquet in chesapeake. justin is speaking at it. please pray it goes well and that jesus is glorified. and that lots of money is raised.
i am finally feeling a little bit better. i went to target today. the most i have done since chemo. but it was good to get out. there is this awesome service out there for people with cancer. a cleaning service. they will clean your house 4 times for free during chemo. its awesome. so three real nice ladies came over today and cleaned. which is perfect because i am exhausted. i sleep whenever i can. so pray ava keeps taking two good naps a day. i need the rest. i also need more help. but i hate to admit it. justin pretty much had ava with him all day yesterday because i was too tired. so glad we have justin.
tomorrow is pet scan. i have barely thought about it. but i am a little nervous. wont know results for a week. which is hard. waiting is hard.
i read a blog last night. one i read a lot since sara introduced me. i have never cried while reading it. but last night i did. hard. she was talking about her love for her little daughter. who is close to ava's age. and i thought about ava and how my love for her is scary. like a good scary. so intense and deep. but sad because what slips into my thoughts is what ava's life would be like without her mommy. now i know i do not need to "go there." but i do sometimes. i think about it. not out of fear. but mostly just sad thinking about it. real sad. so i kissed her a little bit more today. dressed her real cute and hugged her. a lot.